The internet is full of odd content, but a new commercial featuring Browns punter Britton Colquitt goes above and beyond the usual standard of strange.
There’s a lot to unpack here. First, some context. The ad is from Power Home Solar & Roofing, who posted it on YouTube on Nov. 7. From the video, we see the adult is Jayson and the kid’s name is Christian, but the YouTube description gives a little more background:
With that out of the way, let’s go ahead and break down the three strangest aspects of the commercial.
WHY IS THERE A TALKING DOG? Here I am, puzzled grin on my face as I watch the cringe-worthy dance moves and acting of Colquitt and the Wallers, and then my jaw just drops when they cut to the dog. I have so many questions. Why? Why is the dog in a car? Can any dog be a Solar Dog or does it take years of special training? Does that dog have human teeth? Did his or her human leave Solar Dog in there by themself with the window rolled completely down? I’m appalled.
The dance being performed here is the “floss,” a move popularized by the internet that has become the go-to for children between the ages of 7 and 14 who play Fortnite every day. Unsurprisingly, the kid is by far the best flosser in the commercial. It’s practically a requirement that American youth within the previously stated age group know how to floss. If you have kids or have been to a sporting event recently and watched the dance cam on the jumbotron during a stoppage, you know what I’m talking about. The technique from the adults, meanwhile, leaves a lot to be desired. In the opening scene, Jayson is just doing entirely too much with his hips. You don’t need to rotate your torso that much. Plus, his timing is totally off during that brief second when it cuts back to the whole group. Colquitt suffers from the same afflictions during his flossing scene. Too much rotation, too much action with the hips. The fact that the adults are even flossing is bizarre. Why not just let the kid do it?
This commercial clearly takes place in an alternate universe. In said universe, we know several things to be true:
1) Colquitt practices in a completely empty stadium by himself
2) Colquitt can punt the ball out of the stadium
3) By doing so, he can create the solar energy to power all of the solar panels in FirstEnergy Stadium
4) Dogs can talk
If this were a punter like the Eagles’ Cameron Johnston or the Seahawks’ Michael Dickson, it would be more believable. Colquitt is 15th in the NFL with a 44.9-yard punting average. But I guess the dog did say that getting Power Home Solar grants the ability to punt the ball out of the stadium and dance extremely well. So anyone can do it, in theory. Give the director credit, though—those pre-punt special effects should seriously be considered for an Academy Award.
There are infinite other things to discuss here, including the acting (Colquitt is particularly awful), the fact that the kid’s jersey says POWERHOME on the back, and how one becomes a Solar Coach. However, I think it’s time to log off of the internet for a while.
In Matthew 18, Jesus tells of a shepherd who leaves 99 sheep to rescue one who has strayed from the flock. The story’s point: “It is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of (His) little ones should perish.”
Cleveland Browns punter Britton Colquitt knows just how true that is.
When Colquitt was in college at Tennessee, he was arrested and suspended from the football team multiple times for alcohol-related incidents. The worst was in February 2008, when Colquitt hit a parked car while driving under the influence, then fled the scene.
Then-Tennessee coach Phillip Fulmer punished Colquitt for the incident by yanking his scholarship, suspending him for the first five games of his senior season, and requiring him to undergo alcohol counseling.
Although he grew up in a Christian home and embraced Christ around age 10 or 11, Colquitt was not immune to the temptations of the college party scene: “I got caught up in the drinking thing. Temptation put me off track.”
Fulmer, however, prevented Colquitt’s football future – and perhaps his future in general – from going off the rails entirely keeping him on Tennessee’s roster. “What I was seeing was an immature young man making childish decisions,” Fulmer said. “He was facing a real problem with alcohol, and I figured I could help him more if he was around the program than I could if he was off on his own.”
Fulmer recalled meeting in his office with Colquitt and his parents: Though Colquitt appeared to have a repentant heart, Fulmer needed to see Colquitt’s actions reflect it.
To Colquitt’s credit, they have: “I’d say he spends every day trying to make sure he’s proving it,” Fulmer said.
Perhaps due to his run-ins with the law, no NFL team drafted Colquitt after his college career ended. Still, the Denver Broncos took a chance on him in late 2009, signing him as a free agent.
His punting pedigree may have had something to do with that: Colquitt’s father Craig punted for the Pittsburgh Steelers in the late 1970s and early ’80s, and his older brother Dustin is entering his 13th season with the Kansas City Chiefs.
Colquitt rewarded Denver by averaging 45.1 yards per punt during his time there before joining Cleveland as a free agent last year. He also appeared in two Super Bowls for the Broncos, winning in 2016. Colquitt and his father now have three Super Bowl rings between them.
More importantly, Colquitt has stayed on the straight-and-narrow. The father of three – with another on the way – has even given up alcohol entirely: “My wife and I decided that it’s something that only distracts, so I made it something that’s not a part of my life. It doesn’t do anything for me.”
Because he is grateful to God for rescuing him from the grips of alcohol, Colquitt treats every punt as an act of worship: “God gave me the ability and the strength in my body. He orchestrated where I am in life.”
Colquitt’s background >> Talk about going from the penthouse to the projects – Britton Colquitt was Denver’s punter when the Broncos won the Super Bowl after the 2015 season. He was cut on Aug. 30 last summer because of salary-cap reasons. Five days later, he signed with the Browns, who went 3-13 while Peyton Manning was finishing up his amazing career and helping Colquitt earn that Super Bowl ring.
“We fell in love with it out here,” Colquitt told reporters in Denver after being cut. “We have a great home, amazing church. When we came out here, Nicki and I weren’t married and now we have three kids. It’s a lot more than football. The Broncos organization has been amazing,” Colquitt said. “Hard to believe it’s over. It’s sad, but we’re thankful for the opportunity.”
Colquitt did not take long to find a new home with the Browns. He signed a four-year contract extension in February and said, “I’m thrilled. We love the organization and the fans. … The Browns are a class act.”
The Colquitts are a punting family, like generations of trapeze artists performing in the same circus. Britton’s father, Craig Colquitt, earned two Super Bowl rings as punter for the Pittsburgh Steelers from 1978 to 1987. His brother, Dustin Colquitt, punts for the Kansas City Chiefs. His cousin, Jimmy Colquitt, punted briefly for the Seattle Seahawks in 1985.
Britton is not a family name, as one might suppose. Colquitt said his parents named him after television journalist Brit Hume after watching Hume on the ABC news show “Nightline” in the 1980s.
Why Colquitt is ranked 21st >> The punter for the Browns is always busy. That makes Colquitt more valuable than some position starters.
2016 recap >> Colquitt averaged 45.3 yards a punt on 83 punts last season. That ranked 18th in the league, but a closer look at the numbers shows more. Colquitt nailed 22 punts inside the 20 and yet only two punts resulted in touchbacks. The only other one to punt 50 or more times and have two or fewer touchbacks was Johnny Hekker of the Rams.
Why Colquitt is important in 2017 >> Colquitt not only is the Browns punter, he also holds on place kicks. Holder is an under-appreciated task in bad weather, but Colquitt has sure hands and doesn’t bobble the ball snapped to him from Charley Hughlett.